What I’m Learning About Empty Nesting
- Cara McLauchlan
- 18 hours ago
- 4 min read
After my son's wedding, my sister-in-law shared the news, "You are officially last."
Truly I thought she was joking. According to her, now that my son was launched, graduated and married, I resided in last place. She went on to explain that if I had parented him well (which I prayed I did), he would put God first, his wife second, future kids third, and I would share any leftover last place with friends, hobbies and the pets.
Great. To know I was fighting with Morris the cat over my son's affections felt like being selected last for the middle school dodge ball team. At the time, I nodded with a smile, all the while thinking, "it will be different for me."
After all, I was the connected parent, fun to be around, cooking and lavishing food and goodness on all who shadowed my doorframe. He will still want to hang out, come over for Sunday supper and probably spend every holiday and even bank holidays with us.
I made a good case for convincing myself. But I learned painfully, awkwardly that she was right in every way.
The good news about empty nesting - it means you succeeded in raising an independent adult who doesn't really need you. The bad news about empty nesting is the same, they never truly need you. I know that's supposed to be exactly as it should be. But we all want to be needed, even if it's only a little bit.
But wait, there is more bad news - it never gets easier. It's been more than seven years ago that my son left for college and it still feels bittersweet after all this time. I'm not trying to be overly melodramatic. I'm so thrilled that my son is a fine young man with a heart for God, a beautiful wife and flourishing marriage. Apparently this means I did a good job in helping frame his priorities correctly.
True confession: I thought it would be easier. It's not. I know this is a normal part of the journey with children and I know the Lord still has many things to teach me. Wherever you are in the journey, here are three helpful things I've learned so far:
My Loneliness Isn't My Child's Burden.
There are days when it takes every ounce of discipline not to make a quick check in call or heartfelt text to find out how things are going. But if I'm honest, it's really my loneliness and missing him that I'm trying to fill. When those feelings come, I truly need to press into it. It's my role to call it what it is and invite Jesus to hang out with me. If I'm wise, I can put it to a good use. If I'm lonely, I need to pray, walk, read the Bible, have coffee with a friend or serve someone else. My loneliness isn't to be solved by my child, whatever season I'm in.
Practicing the Art of Treasuring.
Having to re-invent yourself as a mom, wife and parent during the empty nesting season is truly a wonder. I mean that in a good and bad way. Yes, acknowledge the hard things, but also take stock of the good things too. My grocery bill is half of what it was. I can make six vegetables for dinner and no one complains. My husband and I have truly re-invented our marriage, dating and sharing new adventures together. The freedom and time that is now available to put towards passions is incredible. It's easy to get stuck in the sad cycle of what is missing, but there is treasure to be had as the new season unfolds.
Check My Contentment Source.
When I was feeling the worst about empty nesting, it was because I was searching for fulfillment in the wrong things. In the world, there is always something to be upset about, politics, relationships, weather, media, family issues, success in life. But when I can keep focused on God, He is my contentment. Also, not whether my family answers my texts promptly or comes over for a holiday dinner, or even remembers me at all. My contentment isn't in whether I have a flourishing relationship with my kids in their adult years.Those are all wonderful things, but they are not the source of my contentment. My contentment is in Christ alone.
What Are You Learning In This Season?
I know it's normal to miss our kids. Missing them means we love them dearly and long to be with them as time allows. I'm grateful for the season of parenting and now grateful for the empty nester season. I've learned so much about myself and my Creator. Wherever you are in the empty nesting season, give yourself grace.
Every season we are given is a chance to press deeper into who God made us to be.
