Grief can be such a surprising ninja.
Today I took my lunch outside to admire the sunny Carolina sky and the softly changing leaves. While it’s still warm, there is an edge in the air as things are heading to a crispness only found in the late fall.
I knew a day like this one. This day was exactly like the days when I first started homeschooling – feeling so scared, yet energized. Eating lunch outside and then reading books about the solar system afterwards. Right here was where we sat as we basked in the sunshine and then read excitedly about Saturn’s secrets. Now there are no days like those as the busy-ness of life and high school have consumed our schedule.
I remember a day also like this one when my mom was dying. Beautiful, gorgeous, infinite sunshine. I was falling to pieces on the inside yet awash with unconquerable beauty outside. This same place where we read books was the place where all my siblings gathered to pray and grieve over her life. That gorgeous day felt like a mockery of the sadness it cast. Soft rain falling later to comfort us.
Today is another day with that same beautiful yet bittersweet hue. I pray that these memories add to the tapestry of my life. Even though fall’s shadows cast emotions today, it is because of time with loved ones that they were possible. May these moments remind me all of us are walking around with something today. May I be more thoughtful in my conversations, my comings and goings.
May I remember that all of us have hard days and good days and everything in between. Praying to walk gently with all of those places in my own heart.
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