The Best Response When Your Child Fails

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” —Henry Ford

Everyone tells me it’s important for your kids to fail.

But gosh is it hard to watch. I want to jump in, make a strategy, fix it, encourage, prop up and initiate Success 101 strategies. But I know that isn’t what is needed. Failure and life experience are what is needed. This too is part of learning and growing up.

My son bombed his first community college essay paper. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he is devastated. Usually I would do all the things that overbearing, micro-managery moms would do. Let's go, all hands on deck, activate the plan. We can fix this. That was my typical response. But not this time.

Not this time. Instead, I surprise myself by leaving it alone. I don’t freak out. I don’t tell him that he most likely will have to take a gap year. I don't say anything about the failure at all. Instead, I invite both of us to take a breath.

I softly say a few kind words and then I let him figure it out. I say a silent prayer to Jesus that he does. I know this too is part of preparing him for launching. I realize that in college he will have a million tiny failures like this and he needs to know how to handle them. The greatest gift I can give my kid is to show that I have confidence in him, despite his failures. I don't do anything. I love and I pray. And that is all.

I wait with love, but I don’t fix. I don’t solve. Because my child needs to know he can.