What I’m Learning About Slaying Fears
For reasons that only God could ordain, I was invited to play golf at Shinnecock Hills Golf Club.
For those who don't know, Shinnecock Hills, nestled in the Hamptons of New York, is considered one of the most storied golf courses in the United States. Famous presidents, professional golfers and celebrities alike have graced its majestic fairways.
And now me.
I'm not telling you all of this to humble brag or make more of myself. The truth is I'm a very average golfer, and felt deeply out of my league. I know how to play golf. But all I could imagine was being on the first tee, with caddies and excellent golfers watching, and completely forget how to swing a club.
Apparently God has a sense of humor and I'm told that when you are invited to play Shinnecock, the only appropriate answer is "yes" and "when." Despite feeling unworthy, the fact remained - I was playing Shinnecock.
I think we can all relate to feeling unworthy.
Still, I wanted my day to be full of joy and gratitude, not about my own insecurities.
So how does ordinary me face my fears to get ready to play one of the hardest golf courses in America and have a good time doing it? Even if you aren't a golfer, bear with me as I promise to share something encouraging, or at least offer an entertaining read.
Here's what I did to face my fears, which apply nicely to anything you long to do that scares you.
Practice Being Someone Who Does Hard Things.
I knew if I was going to be confident, I had to start thinking of myself as someone who did hard things, like play the hardest golf course in America. When I was making dinner, I would ask myself, "what do people eat that play hard golf courses?" Then I would make a healthy meal or eat more protein. When I was exercising or walking, I would ask myself, "how do people train that play Shinnecock Hills?" Then I would lift weights and walk very hilly roads to have energy for walking 18 holes. All of my daily habits became an opportunity to consider myself as someone who does hard things. Even if I didn't know, I would imagine that I did and used it as fuel for my daily habits.
Ask yourself - what is the best way to prepare my body for doing the thing that scares me?
Put in the Work.
I didn't know how to play great golf but I did know how to work hard. I made it a goal to practice or play as much as I could. As I stood on the range, I imagined myself teeing off on the first hole, with caddies, good golfers and strangers' eyes on me and the pressure of it all. Any little thing I could do to visualize myself playing at Shinnecock, stuck in a bunker at Shinnecock, putting on the greens at Shinnecock -- even how I would handle the struggles. I watched golf on TV and YouTube Videos to visualize the course. Even if I only had 15 minutes to work on one reliable shot -- everything became my chance to practice, prepare, put in the work to feel confident.
Ask yourself -- what habits would help me feel confident to do the thing that scares me?
Ask for Help.
I knew that doing something hard would require rallying anyone and everyone who could help me. I asked many friends who were good golfers on what to think about, how I should prepare, any advice they could give me. I was a sponge -- from taking golf lessons on the fundamentals, to asking wise folks for their best encouragement.
My dad taught me to golf when I was a kid and I decided that I would carry his picture in my golf bag to remind me of his love for the game. Even though my dad is now in heaven, the day felt a little less scary knowing he was with me that day.
Almost everyone told me this experience was an opportunity to take in the wonder and beauty of it all. To remember, if I was struggling, to simply keep moving, stay positive, and pick up the ball when necessary. All of it fed my confidence to know I had been enriched with good ideas, wisdom and encouragement.
Ask yourself - what best thoughts can I carry for doing the thing that scares me?
Invite God to Walk With You.
The morning I was getting ready to play, I had done all I knew how to do. I had prepared well, I had trained hard and now here I was - terrified. The entire night before I played, I couldn't sleep and tried hard to think of every scripture I could about fear. That morning, I wrote out 18 scriptures about fear, one for every golf hole and then one more to cover my time in the very historic clubhouse. I sang praise and worship music.
Someone once wisely told me, "don't take your fears to scripture, take scripture to your fears!" That is exactly what I did, speaking them and writing them out that morning and declaring faith over fear. I could still be afraid, yet I could show up with confidence and the gift of my faith. There is power in the truth. God was going before me and He would be with me the whole day.
Ask yourself -- how can I invite God to go before me and walk with me in this?
Declare it All Joy.
I decided before I ever set foot on the golf course, I would consider it all joy. I carried the scripture Nehemiah 8:10 with me, "for the joy of the Lord is your strength." I was determined to make the day about beauty, history, love of nature, gratitude and love of a game my dad taught me so long ago.
The scariest shot I took was the very first one on the practice range. It took me longer than I wanted to admit to hit the first ball. But after that moment, I fell into a rhthym and a grace. I think hard things are like that, it's the getting started that is the hardest part and then allowing our preparation to shine through.
No matter how I played that day, I was determined to treasure every single moment of it -- from the beauty of the clubhouse, the graciousness of the people I played with, the sheer awe of one of the most majestic places on the earth. I would not miss a smidge of the gift of being so blessed to be in a place of such magnitude.
And I didn't, I loved every moment of it.
Ask yourself -- how can I decide to carry a heart of joy, no matter the outcome? How can I stay present in the gratitude of the opportunity?
What I Carried Home
For most of the round that I day, I felt like I was floating. It's hard to explain, but I felt like I was in a gorgeous dream and then far too soon, we were walking up the 18th hole. I played with such confidence, my feet felt like they never touched the ground.
Much of the day, I thought about my dad. I thought of all the moments we had golfing when I was a kid that I never fully appreciated, but now understood why he loved the game so much.
When we do the thing that scares us, it requires all of you. Like anything worthwhile in this life, hard things demand that we stare down our own fears. Maybe there is something you’ve been invited into that makes you feel out of your league. Prepare as well as you can. Ask for help. Carry God’s truth with you. Then leave room for joy. You don’t have to feel fearless to receive the gift.
God is faithful. Even when we feel out of our league.
We are always held preciously in His hands and He will always walk with us.
